I don’t know what to say

I haven’t been writing here and I deleted some recent posts..

In truth, I simply do not know what to say.

So for now, I’m not saying much at all.

The last two months have been a very intense emotional period for me.

The last year has been a very intense emotional period for me.

These days, all I want to do is rest.  I’ve been very, very tired – physically, emotionally, soulfully tired.

Dear readers, I hope you will be patient with me.

In the meantime, check out this video by Mooji on relationships:

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6 thoughts on “I don’t know what to say

  1. The nice thing about blogs is that you can write as frequently or infrequently, as much or as little as you like, with no deadlines, unlike the obligations of school, a job, letters that must be answered, etc., etc. I’m following another blog whose author writes once or twice a year. Relax! Enjoy the silence!

  2. As you know I’ve been v much the same my friend. Totally with you, and it’s been a bit of a struggling writing too. Up until last summer I had it pretty much sussed on the intellectual level, but having broken my four year no-relationship gap, I found it pretty tough getting enmeshed again in the world of relationships. It’s so easy to get lost in the hurts, the mixed messages, the games people play. But I realised that the real problem wasn’t so much him, but the unresolved emotional hurts and longings in me that were triggered by the situation. It’s been a steep learning curve. Still learning…still hurting…and wondering why I haven’t yet severed all contact.

    I was listening to James Swartz the other night and had to write this down: “bondage is bondage to experience; believing that the experience that is presently happening needs to be more or better or different to what it is….. Our experience has to be acceptable to us all the time – that’s freedom. Freedom means I’m ok with any experience that’s happening to me at any time. If I’m not ok then I’m not free because the experience is defining me. The tail is wagging the dog!”

    And also read a cool Anthony DeMello quote: “before enlightenment, I was depressed. After enlightenment I was depressed, but I didn’t care”. LOL.

    I guess what I took from this was to welcome the whole shitty experience of emotional hurt, of feeling wanted then not wanted, of looking for happiness outside of me. Welcome the feelings and the parts of myself that need healing. It’s not pleasant and it’s not what my mind might like it to be, but it’s all OK. I gotta be OK with it.

    Sorry for long rambly comment. Hope that makes some sense. Just wanted to say, you’re not alone 🙂 x

    • Rory – love and blessings to you as always – I love your comments and insights 🙂 Both of the quotes you shared resonated. I especially like DeMello’s line.. lovely! Yes, welcoming whatever arises in the present moment is liberating. It doesn’t mean being passive and inactive, so much as it’s about not wasting energy *wanting* things to be other than they are.. if we accept what’s happening, we can either decide to flow with it or take action. But whatever we do will be the poorer for it if we don’t begin with full, conscious acceptance of the reality of whatever is happening in our lives.

      One “logic” that really hit home for me recently was the following:

      1. If I don’t have something or someone right now, I must not need it.
      2. The proof that I don’t need it is in the vital breath — if I am consciously breathing at this moment, then on the most fundamental level, all is well.
      3. If I don’t need this person, place or thing, then I don’t have to lament its absence.
      4. If I’m not wasting energy grasping after something or someone I don’t need, then I can actually.. oh yeah!! .. be happy! 🙂

      Glad to hear that you are healing, too.. everything that happens is for our greater good.

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