Life Musings

My First Non-Fucked Up Partnered Valentines

In the past, most of my Valentines days have pretty much been disasters. The worst Valentines were actually the ones when I found myself in a relationship. For one reason or another, our best laid plans always turned out to a be a bust. Expectations were unfulfilled. Hopes were dashed. Drama ensued. More often than not, my then-lovers and I would end the day in passive-aggressive anger rather than the throes of passion.

The best V-days for me have been the ones I’ve spent alone.. focusing on self-care, meditating, sipping on champagne, getting my nails done and sobbing uncontrollably while watching old epis of Grey’s Anatomy.  So it was not without some trepidation that I noted February 14th fast a-coming, and wondered if this might be my first-ever boo’ed up Valentines that was not an epic fail.

“Your job,” I joked with my girlfriend recently, “is to not fuck up Valentines.” If we just made it through the day without any cray, we’d be making history. From prior experience, I’d learned that projection-fueled expectations were the enemy of intimacy.  We talked at length about how we each experienced disappointment in Valentines past, and how we thought we’d avoid such scenarios this time around.  Part of our approach was making light of the whole thing.  Valentines? Whatevs!  We were too evolved, too emotionally mature to buy into an arbitrary, commercialized holiday. Continue reading “My First Non-Fucked Up Partnered Valentines”

Food, Vegan Recipes

Broccoli, Sweet Potato & Tofu Stir-Fry





No time to provide a full on recipe, but the basics:

  • Heat 1 tablespoon of coconut oil in skillet
  • Add: chopped onion, garlic, sea salt, broccoli, mushrooms & bamboo shoots
  • Spray with Braggs aminos and douse with a bit of soy or teriyaki sauce

I added a sweet potato pancake to the mix — which made it delicious but also made it not-vegan. Anyway. The whole thing took about 6 minutes.



Mooji: “Decisions and Fear of Change”

“Sometimes we are so afraid of change and you want to hold on to something [but] it’s time to let it go . . . And you are thinking ‘I don’t know if I can bear the consequence if this thing is lost.’ Yes you can bear it.”

“If Life takes it . . . Let go of it. It is fine. Because you don’t know what is going to come.”

“The fear is always greater than the actuality.”

Mooji’s words, here, on confronting fear, loss and stressful decisions are powerful and timely reminders for me..

Academic Musings, Life Musings, Spiritual Musings

My News

Last fall, I participated in the unbelievably fantastic Faculty Success Program, organized by the National Center for Faculty Development and Diversity. FSP was developed by Dr. Kerry-Ann Rockquemore, a brilliant sociologist who quit her tenured job to commit herself full-time to the NCFDD and, in so doing, provide life-changing tools to harried professors seeking to improve their productivity and work/life balance. While the center works to support academics of all stripes, its resources and programs are particularly useful to first generation academics, women and people of color — all of whom are often excluded from informal networks and know-how that are crucial for thriving in academia.

A friend of mine participated last year and told me that FSP changed her life.  She felt more productive, linked into to professional networks and focused on her research and writing goals.  On the basis of her testimonial – as well as the experiences of other colleagues I know and respect – I wrote a grant to fund my participation in their semester-long “bootcamp” for academics.  I knew I would not be teaching in the fall and was hopeful that the program’s structure, systems of accountability and professional development tools would help me make the most of my “time off”.  Continue reading “My News”