The first time I visited my town’s gluten free, mostly vegan bakery, I had no idea I was visiting a gluten free, mostly vegan bakery. I just saw “baked goods” and wandered in, looking for something sweet and delectable. As I perused the menu peppered with “gluten free” this and “vegan” that, I was overcome with a mild sense of disgust. This was not a real bakery. The healthier the food sounded, the less I wanted to eat it. I left without getting anything.
The second time I stopped by was with a friend. He had a hankering for something sweet, saw the bakery and asked if we could pick up something. I reluctantly agreed. When he realized how healthy everything was, he, too, turned up his nose. “I tried to tell you,” I said, shaking my head as we left. Again, I left this bakery empty handed. We ended up going to a swanky bar for cheesecake instead.
The third time I visited the bakery was last week. Having settled quite comfortably into my relatively new veganish, gluten-freeish lifestyle, I was eager to actually taste their offerings. I picked up an apple strudel muffin and a banana nut muffin. The former was divine, the latter was meh.
The fourth time I visited the bakery was yesterday. They had one of those apple muffins left. It was so good, I could have cried. It also realized that I would really shed hot, bitter tears if I had to pay 3-4 dollars every time I wanted a vegan, gluten free muffin. And so it was that I decided to try my hand at egg-less, milk-less, wheat-less baking.
I gave some thought to replicating the apple strudel muffin but that seemed too complicated. So, instead, I decided to try out something I’ve successfully executed before: banana nut muffins.
For this adventure, I used a recipe from Namely Marley, a cool food blog. I had to buy a few new staples to add to my growing vegan/gluten free pantry: vegan flour (I got white rice, though brown rice probably would have been a better choice) and egg-replacer, just in case – even though the recipe did not call for it.
I don’t really like following recipies, as you may have noticed, and I did not follow Marley’s very well. Instead of using margarine, I used coconut oil. I must have mismeasured something, though, because the first batch came out looking rather homely. They weren’t rising. And they kind of had that “blah” taste than the bakery’s banana nut muffins had. So, I added a tablespoon of “egg replacer” to the batter along with some ground cinnamon and ginger. The second batch was *awesome*! For these, I also added a topping, for which I used coconut and agave in addition to brown sugar. My graduate students will be sampling these in our seminar tomorrow.
You know you want me.
I finally decided that the first batch was *awesome* too, because it has less sugar/agave and will be my go-to healthier snack this week. It also makes a pretty good delivery system for a dollop of almond butter.
Oh, and between you and me, my muffins turned out to be a lot better than the bakery’s. A lot. *dusts shoulders off*
I’ve been plotting on this meal all week and finally tried it out today. On my last trip to the market, I bought fresh kale and pre-packaged polenta for the first time and I’ve really enjoyed their variety and yumminess.
In Lieu of a Recipe:
I made the tomato/onion sauce in the Vitamix a few days ago and froze it. This morning I thawed it out, poured it into a small sauce pan and added a handful of shiitake mushrooms. I also added a teaspoon of agave syrup, a few capers and squeezed in a touch of fresh lemon juice.
While that was simmering, I massaged a big bunch of kale and sautéed it with a pinch of sea salt in a generous amount of EVOO. Then I added four slices of Roma tomato, which I sprinkled with basil.
In a small pan, I sautéed four slices of polenta in even more EVOO. (This is certainly not a low fat recipe). I then added the kale to the polenta and sprinkled it all with freshly ground black pepper. I left the slices of Roma tomato in the stir fry pan, but turned off the eye.
Meanwhile, I emptied my stove (which I generally use for storage) and set the broiler to low. I sprinkled the kale/polenta mix with 1/3 cup of Daiya vegan cheddar. I put the small pan in the oven and let it broil for about 5 min, until the tomatoes were a touch crispy and the cheese was bubbly.
To plate it up, I put a few spoonfuls of the sauce down first, then layered the polenta/kale/cheese mix, alternating with more sauce. Finally I garnished this delectable dish with the grilled tomatoes, capers and basil.
Words cannot describe how amazing this was. And it’s gluten free/vegan!
..and Nisargadatta Maharaj and Eckhart Tolle and Thich Nhat Hanh and the Bhagavad Gita.
For the time being anyway.
After a year and a half of fairly intense seeking and transformation, I’m going on a spiritual diet. The realization of my oneness with the Absolute has been beautifully assisted by these teachings & teachers.. but enough is enough. At this point I am reading and hearing the same things over and over again. Now I simply want to live it. No guided meditations or videos or texts. No more crutches. Just this moment and the direct experience of the Divine.
Like my veganish, rawish, gluten-freeish eating experiment, I’m doing this without a set timetable or goal.
It’s become clear that all this spiritualizing is holding something up. What, I am not entirely sure. But I know I need to go these next few steps alone. As Presence.
Grilled these Brussels sprouts with EVOO, garlic, onions and sea salt. Stirred in two table spoons of gluten free Thai peanut sauce. Served over Trader Joe’s brown rice, red rice and black barley and garnished with Korean sweet and spicy sauce.
So, the spirit moved me to get a Vitamix this week. In addition to some pretty awesome sauces and smoothies, I’ve also made soup!
This carrot apple tangelo soup started out as Vitamixtake. I wanted to make a smoothie or a juice but I didn’t add enough water. Don’t quote me on this, but I believe I used two apples, one tangelo and 2-3 carrots. It’s been a few days and my memory is hazy. Anyway, When all was said and done, my “juice” had the consistency of soup. Disappointed, but undaunted, I set it aside in the fridge and decided I would eat it later in the week.
Well, later arrived today. The first task was to tone down the sweetness. I blended the soup with about a 1/4 cup of vegan Daiya cheddar, which darkened the color and made the taste more savory. I took a handful of kale and massaged it to soften the texture. Then, I sautéed the kale in EVOO with three slices of Food Merchant’s polenta, fresh garlic, 1/4 cup red onions and shiitake mushrooms. Meanwhile, I transferred the soup from the Vitamix to a pot on medium heat and added sea salt and nutmeg. When the veggies were done, I added them to the soup.
For the toast, I grilled two slices of gluten free bread in EVOO, sliced them diagonally and arranged in the gorgeous soup. Ground some fresh black pepper over the dish and voila! An incredible, vegan lunch.
Dessert was a peach, apple, ginger smoothie, also made with the Vitamix.. Yum!
So this week, The Little Blog That Could crossed the century milestone.. we now have 102104 107 subscribers 🙂 How fabulous!
I started the blog nine months ago with no plan, no followers, no social media presence and no real idea of what I was doing. All I knew is that I felt compelled to share some of my experiences delving into nondual spirituality. It was also important to me that I anchor these encounters with Awareness in the everyday reality of my existence. I try to “keep it real” by being transparent and frank about ups and downs of this life – the challenges, the difficult feelings, the inspirational moments, the salve of timeless wisdom, the bullshit of the ego and the beauty of awakening. To that end, I talk about a variety of things here – well-being, consciousness, emotions, thrifting, relationships, academia, food, sexuality. I still don’t actually have a plan or any idea what I’m doing, but I am enjoying this blog for what it is – a space of emotional and creative catharsis, a way for me to connect with like-minded souls and one big love letter to the Divine Intelligence that has so gracefully and generously unveiled Itself to me.
Anyway, the most exciting thing about the blog is that it’s allowed me to make incredible connections to people like You: folks who take time out of their busy schedules to read and even sometimes react and respond to my musings. I am so grateful for every comment, email, phone call and conversation that I’ve had with folks touched by this blog. I am learning so much through these exchanges and am thrilled that you’ve decided to share with me along the way.
While I’ve generally been thrilled with my haircut, it’s also been challenging for my ego. I cut my fro in part to overcome some of the egoic identification I had with my hair. I had spent 8 years “mastering” my natural hair and learning how to style my twists.. And I had it down to a science. My ego came to take quite a bit of pride in the mastery of my fro because it took so much time, experimentation and effort to learn these things. I also was just supremely happy with how healthy and beautiful my hair had become – and with how easy it was to maintain my twists. I’m big into effortless, easy, breezy beauty and I even did a few hair tutorials back in the day:
Still, in the back of my mind, I knew I was overly attached to my curls. The salience of this attachment really hit home when I visited an Egyptian salon that a family member recommended for a hot press back in January. I usually get my hair hot combed straight once a year, so I thought this would be the same ol’ thing. Except it wasn’t. They burned my hair! Some strands became permanently straight. I was heartbroken. My curls had lost the perfection I projected onto them.
Aware of these egoic thoughts – and just frustrated with the madness – I took a pair of scissors and cut my hair. And it has been remarkably liberating. Nonetheless, I found myself grappling with a new set of egoic issues and insecurities. As with all things that arise in my experience, I integrated my conscious awareness of the ego into my spiritual practice.
First, I found that I was still rather attached to the state of my hair. I wanted to look cute. And to the extent that I thought the haircut was very cute, my mind was usually satisfied. Except in the morning. I would wake up and look in the mirror, only to be greeted with a lopsided fro. The thing about negro hair like mine is that it in its natural, untwisted state, it easily takes on the shape of whatever is happening around it. It will flatten out on one side and be curly on the other depending on how I sleep. I wasn’t used to this unpredictability. With my twists, I looked reliably lovely at all hours of the day. Which is to say, my mind and ego were perpetually satisfied. It’s one thing to style your hair and feel great. It’s another to fully accept yourself and feel great at your most unkempt moment. I found my inner critic being VERY hard on me. I began to fear that no lover would love me at 5 am, with my crooked, half-matted, Elvis-like bedhair. I felt challenged in my femininity. “Your hair looks crazy”, “You look like a man”, “Your hair is ugly” . . . this is the onslaught of harsh thoughts that would emerge first thing in the morning.. until I washed and styled my hair and once again satisfied the ego. Then, this fickle voice would whisper “Your hair is awesome”, “You look so pretty”, “You’re a goddess” .. While the ego was thrilled with these assessments, my higher wisdom was well aware that such thoughts were not reassuring at all, because believing them meant that my self-acceptance – and my peace of mind – would remain conditional.
For a while, I contemplated getting another haircut or just doing something.. anything.. to shut up that ruthless inner critic. But rather quickly, I realized that acquiescing to these reactions would be a losing battle. The ego is never permanently satisfied If I bowed to its criticism and exalted in its conditional affirmation, I would become a slave to my own feelings and projections about my appearance. So instead, I decided to use my awareness of these thoughts to radically expand my self-love. To that end, I started greeting my puffy-faced, crooked-afro-having self with this morning salutation: “I love you exactly as you are. You are gorgeous and divine just like this. I accept you as you are, unconditionally.”
I was skeptical that this approach would work, but by day #2, I already felt more at ease. A couple days in, and I actually started to like how unpredictable and wild my hair was. I embraced the crazy and started to feel more sexy and beautiful. I began to see more clearly what is timelessly, unconditionally radiant and perfect about me. In other words, I began to love myself the way I’d want my soulmate or lover to love me. I affirmed that I didn’t need long, predictably beautiful twists to feel whole. This seems like a silly and elementary thing to say, but my ego had gotten so wrapped up in my hair that it has taken some concerted effort to undo this conditioning. Throughout it all, I’m using my awareness of my thoughts and feelings to consciously expand my self-acceptance.. which is just a further elaboration of my intention to love myself a little more on a daily basis.
So far, so good. Turns out that self-acceptance is a lot cheaper than a new hair cut.
So, one of the most exciting things going on in my life these days has been a pretty radical lifestyle change. A month ago, I was sick. In the stupor of this illness, I realized my fridge was bare and that I’d need provisions to recover. Around this time, I also discovered that many of the folks I correspond with on Twitter — academics, nondual types, spiritually minded folks — are also into vegan and raw foods. They made suggestions for things I should add to my grocery cart. People started sharing meal ideas, recipes, books, vegan websites and even documentaries. For reasons I cannot account for, I was particularly open to these suggestions and approached it all with a great deal of enthusiasm.
Eggplant burger with grilled shiitake mushrooms, onions and vegan cheese on gluten free bread
First, let me explain how I was living (and eating) prior to this lifestyle change. I was drinking 2, 3 sometimes 4 cups of coffee a day (frighteningly easy to do with a Keurig machine). I had not been sleeping well for months and I was feeling very lethargic – something that’s pretty unusual for me. I had a persistent headache and I had put on about 10 lbs in the last quarter of 2012. My meals were heavy in protein and carbs. I love meat, cheese and bread — preferably French. A typical jaunt to the grocery store would have me buying ciabatta baguettes, steak, chicken, creamer (for my coffee), some exotic, expensive cheese. The only vegetables I liked buying were bok choy, brussels sprouts and cabbage. My staple meals were pasta, fajitas, Asian stirfry dishes and the like.
I thought my choices were relatively healthy because I selected whole wheat products, organic produce and grass-fed meat and dairy. I tried to match equal portions of protein and carbs in my meals, following a habit I picked up from past forays into Bill Phillip’s “Body for Life” program. But otherwise, I didn’t follow any rules. I ate whatever I wanted. And I often felt like passing out after those meals. I associated such feelings – being bloated and tired – with satiation. I didn’t know that another way was possible.
Burrito lettuce wraps with mango salsa, cilantro, vegan cheese and chiles
In any case, a month ago I decided to tip-toe into a veganish, raw-ish lifestyle. At first, I said I would do it just for a few days – until I got over my cold. Then I extended it for a week, then another week.. and suddenly a month had passed. In the interim, I’ve lost about 12 lbs – effortlessly.
Here’s an overview of the changes I’ve made. In parentheses is the percent of the time I follow these guidelines on a daily basis:
Replaced coffee with alternative drinks like hot lemon water and ginger root tea (100%)
Cut out all meat and seafood (100%)
Cut out all wheat (95%)
Replaced dairy with vegan products (90%)
Introduced raw meals and juices (100%)
Introduced gluten free products (100%)
Replaced sugar with honey and agave (97%)
Added superfoods green drinks (50%)
Finally started taking the vitamin supplements that had been sitting idly on top of my fridge (95%)
Thai lettuce wraps with hummus, fvegan cheese, broccoli/carrot slaw, ginger and peanut sauce
Other than meat, dairy and most gluten products, I can eat whatever I want. When I tell folks this, most of them snark “But there’s nothing left!” Oh, but that’s a myth! There is LOTS and lots of food I can and do eat. I’m having so much fun with discovering new, delicious recipes. I do not feel like I’m on a diet. I am often full and nurture myself with hearty meals. I feel free to do whatever I want (and this sense of liberty is important to me). If there are donuts at a meeting, I will have a bite. But overall, I find myself naturally choosing to make healthier decisions – not because I want to lose weight or reach a certain goal – but because my body feels better when I feed it with raw, vegan, gluten free goodies.
Sauteed spinach with garlic, grilled onions and vegan cheddar
Not all of my meals have turned out well. The whole guacamole-over-cabbage idea was certainly a mistake. But for the most part, I have found it easy and exciting to come up with creative, delicious and nourishing things to eat.
Side effects of this new lifestyle:
I feel GREAT!
Natural detoxification
I’m sleeping better. I wake up early, without the need for an alarm. I have more energy.
The headaches are gone.
My digestion is great.
After meals, I feel energized and happy. No more lethargy or bloat.
My body is naturally losing weight
My appetite is decreasing
My eyesight seems to be improving
Pain and tension in my neck and shoulders has decreased
Things I typically buy now:
LEMONS! Can’t get enough
Almond butter
Avocados
Daiya vegan cheese (a revelation.. absolutely incredible)
Lifeway probiotic kefir
Bananas
Spinach
Onions
Boston lettuce (for lettuce wraps)
Gluten free bread
Gluten free pasta
Vegan / gluten free sauces
Beans
Kefir
Almond milk
New information I’m learning about myself:
I don’t like salads, but I love lettuce wraps
I like cooking some vegetables, so a completely raw lifestyle is not for me
I feel more energetic now that I’ve cut out coffee
Hot lemon water – or just hot water itself – is very internally soothing
I love the taste of lemon juice on just about anything
A sprinkle of “real” cheese or a serving of 99% lactose free kefir agrees with me, but any substantial serving of dairy upsets my stomach
I absolutely love eating (and making) fresh guacamole
I’ve learned that giving up meat is relatively easy, because I’m such a condiment girl. If I have the right spices and sauces, I’m good to go.
Staple meals and snacks for me now include:
Lettuce wraps
Soups
Vegan cakes
Raw juice (especially apple, carrot, ginger)
Raw chocolate
Nut crackers
Gluten free pasta with vegan cheese
Spinach sauteed with garlic and grilled onions (I actually eat this for breakfast sometimes)
Eggplant burgers (Dominex brand.. incredibly good, and a nice gluten free alternative to veggie burgers)
In terms of fast food, I find myself attracted to Thai and Japanese takeout. I’ll get vegetarian sushi (I’ve just discovered sweet potato tempura.. amazing!), dumplings or vegetarian pad thai.
For now, I don’t have any grand goal, but my plan is to pretty much stick to this for the time being. I’m sure I’ll have meat again one day, but that day is not to day.
Potato onion galette with vegan cheese and spinachBroccoli and carrot slaw with thai peanut sauceMy homemade raw chocolate with crystallized ginger and pistachios. Yes, it was amazing.
Aware of Awareness 