Ode to the Non-Dominant Elbow

There are many things that are difficult to do when the elbow of your non-dominant arm is injured.  I discovered this little known truth after suffering an elbow contusion – the circumstances of which are better left unsaid, given the embarrassing knuckle-headedness of the accident.

Over the last few days, I learned through a series of painful “ows!” that there are certain activities that require (and/or are significantly compromised without) the ability to freely bend and straighten one’s non-dominant elbow.  They include:

– Scratching my back

– Rolling over in bed

– Putting earrings on my left ear

– Styling the back, left quadrant of my hair

– Dressing/undressing

– Driving

– Paying toll

– Typing

– Carrying boxes

– Defending myself from Zora’s intrusions

Activities that, upon reflection, I realized would be difficult/painful to do include:

– Household chores

– Yoga

– Twister

– Cirque du Soleil

– Sex

As I perused articles on WebMD and read about the “extended” recovery time usually required for elbow injuries, I began to despair.  Would I now be forced to wear my hair as an unkempt curly afro redolent of Bozo the Clown, unable to twist and style it myself?  And what about my bra? Yes, I did manage to get it on after struggling for five minutes – but would I now have to appear in public sans brassiere, or have to ask good samaritans to hook and unhook it for me? And, most troublesome of all, would I, out of physical necessity, be resigned to a life of celibacy, or – worse – constrained to a static missionary position?  “Please, God, let this cup pass,” I prayed.

Well, two days of icing-the-injury-with-frozen-lima-beans-later, I am happy to report that I’ve regained 90% of the mobility in my non-dominant arm and have obviously surmised that typing is possible.  There is now some reason to hope that I (1) can resume making progress on my two book projects and (2) will not, in fact, become a braless, celibate, black female version of Bozo the Clown, though I suppose only time will tell.

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