Realized in meditation last night that I am letting go of my attachment to things happening in a certain way – which also means that I am not avoiding suffering in the way I described in my last post on romance. Remarkable that I’m having this realization just a few days after writing those words. I swear, it feels like I’m in an accelerated course on awakening.
Am beginning to feel experientially that everything – even suffering – is okay. Awareness of whatever is in this moment transmutes the phenomenal experience into the process of awakening. That is, being aware of the awareness of suffering or joy or the sound of the cars passing by or the pain in the base of my neck or the taste of hazelnut coffee on my tongue or the thought of the guy my heart still breaks for, or even more subtle, sensing the ego’s urge to escape its feeling of incompleteness, this same urge which then prompts the mind to give importance to the thought about the guy – all of this, when seen and fully accepted/experienced as the unfolding of the Now – is itself transformed into the light of consciousness.